Deviation Actions
Literature Text
He bides his time between
Teaching little girls to smile and
Showing the sleepless
What nightmares are.
When he was a boy,
He was under the impression
That he had wings;
His naivete led him to believe
He could fly.
Spending the eternities before sunsets
Gathering imaginary feathers
And weightless syllables
Seems to mend the ageless wounds.
He is like a crescendo, the
Very crest of a wave as
The ocean swallows it up.
Writing pretty messages
On the inside of his mouth-
I try to tell him that he can't sing
With his tongue in his cheek.
There is a music box in his pocket,
To remind him of all the
Nonsense daydreams and
Meaningless lullabies he had once endured,
Over
And over again.
My arms and legs are scraped raw
From diving to catch his words
That just needed a push in the
Proper direction
In order to float.
I don't mind the aches;
A little blood
Never hurt anyone.
He has a way of
Leaving pieces behind,
Mindlessly lodging them under
The breastbones of passers-by.
His form is made of something beautiful
That got left out in the rain,
Something too heavy to reach the sky
But still too light to sink.
I say that he doesn't belong
On the ground.
He just laughs
And tells me that there is no
Inbetween.
Hysteria
Dear Poetry,
Floodgate Eyes
That you were meant
To fly.
--
-Is the imagery decent? Lacking?
-Is there a particular line or stanza that you like? Dislike?
-Does the wording seem strange or poorly-chosen?
© ~SomethingOnceSacred
Now, the whole piece has some kind of purity to it; I like you put a few lines about him as a boy, I think it adds to the impact of the poem. I can't really express in my own words why, so I will use words of another deviant: "A creative adult is a child who survived."
I found these two lines
"A little blood
Never hurt anyone. "
quite interesting, and when I relate to the poem, a bit ironic.
The lines about leaving pieces behind were the one that caugh my eye the most because I know quite a few amazing artists who tend not finish their beautiful work or treat it so light-headed. And especially that light-headedness is very real through the whole poem, I really loved that.
However, I did had problems understanding some parts, would you please explain them to me:
"And weightless syllables
Seems to mend the ageless wounds."
and
"Writing pretty messages
On the inside of his mouth-"
I apologize if this seems odd, English is not my mother tongue so that may be the problem. All in all, I would say this a true piece of art. Well done.