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He bides his time between

Teaching little girls to smile and

Showing the sleepless

What nightmares are.

 

When he was a boy,

He was under the impression

That he had wings;

 

His naivete led him to believe

He could fly.

 

Spending the eternities before sunsets

Gathering imaginary feathers

And weightless syllables

Seems to mend the ageless wounds.

 

He is like a crescendo, the

Very crest of a wave as

The ocean swallows it up.

 

Writing pretty messages

On the inside of his mouth-

I try to tell him that he can't sing

With his tongue in his cheek.

 

There is a music box in his pocket,

To remind him of all the

Nonsense daydreams and

Meaningless lullabies he had once endured,

Over

And over again.

 

My arms and legs are scraped raw

From diving to catch his words

That just needed a push in the

Proper direction

In order to float.

 

I don't mind the aches;

A little blood

Never hurt anyone.

 

He has a way of

Leaving pieces behind,

Mindlessly lodging them under

The breastbones of passers-by.

 

His form is made of something beautiful

That got left out in the rain,

Something too heavy to reach the sky

But still too light to sink.

 

I say that he doesn't belong

On the ground.

He just laughs

And tells me that there is no

Inbetween.

I told you, once

That you were meant

To fly.


--

-Is the imagery decent? Lacking?

-Is there a particular line or stanza that you like? Dislike?

-Does the wording seem strange or poorly-chosen?









~SomethingOnceSacred
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmauragreen:
MauraGreen Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist
Since you asked in description, I feel compelled to point my likes and parts that caght my eye more than others. But before, I'd like to ask, is this about real person? If yes, what kind of artist is he? If not, what kind did you imagine him to be?
Now, the whole piece has some kind of purity to it; I like you put a few lines about him as a boy, I think it adds to the impact of the poem. I can't really express in my own words why, so I will use words of another deviant: "A creative adult is a child who survived."
I found these two lines
"A little blood
Never hurt anyone. "
quite interesting, and when I relate to the poem, a bit ironic.
The lines about leaving pieces behind were the one that caugh my eye the most because I know quite a few amazing artists who tend not finish their beautiful work or treat it so light-headed. And especially that light-headedness is very real through the whole poem, I really loved that.
However, I did had problems understanding some parts, would you please explain them to me:
"And weightless syllables
Seems to mend the ageless wounds."
and
"Writing pretty messages
On the inside of his mouth-"
I apologize if this seems odd, English is not my mother tongue so that may be the problem. All in all, I would say this a true piece of art. Well done.
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Not at all! I greatly appreciate the interest in itself, to be honest with you. It's not often that I get such a detailed comment, so I am more than happy to answer one such as this.

First off, yes, this piece was written about a real person, a very, very dear friend of mine. This was actually part of a gift for him, from last Christmas. He is a poet, since you've asked. My work never truly does him justice, I feel.

Regarding the leaving pieces of himself behind comment, this friend of mine (you can see his work at ~a-la-douce-memoire, by the way) gives himself away to others. This is a good and a bad thing, depending on your perspective. He's left 'pieces of himself' with me, which I shall cherish forever. What I mean by this is that, basically, we've grown quite close.

As for the two lines you've mentioned in the latter portions of your comment, the first, referring to the syllables one, is, at least in my mind as I wrote it, referring to him as being a poet. Writing for him, sometimes, is an escape, seems to make the hurting go away, or become less sharp, of that makes sense.

The latter of the two ('messages on the inside of his mouth') refers to my own work about him. He is quite frequently my muse, I must confess.

Thank you so very much for your kind words, dear! That really makes my day.
Reply
:iconmauragreen:
MauraGreen Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist
I'll go through his galery when my summer break starts (if I do it now, I probably wouldn't do his art justice). It would seem I interpreted few lines wrong, but I love it this way to. Indeed, people like that who tend to give themselves to others are usually the very valuable and true friends.
I can relate to him, I'm grateful for writing. It can help so much sometimes.
Thanks for explaining it to me and I'm glad my comment made you happy :)
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, art is all about interpretation XD I really love hearing other peoples' perspectives on my work, even if they are drastically different from my own.

My pleasure! It really was a treat to read such kind words.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my goshhhhh I will just love you forever, now.
You are fantastic.
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
.///. Hahah, thank you?

lol I'm so glad you enjoyed it, deary. :huggle:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you're so incredibly talented! everything you write reminds me of that :heart:
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Fuuuhhhh! Hearing that from someone as gifted with words as you are really makes my day XD I cannot even tell you.

Thank you so much, dear!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:la: well I'm glad because your fantastic writing makes my day!
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hahah, same to you! Whenever I see one of your poems in my inbox, it's always such a treat! XD
Reply
:iconchemicalblaze:
ChemicalBlaze Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Impressive writing.
The imagery is amazingly mysterious and romantic.
"I try to tell him that he can't sing/With his tongue in his cheek."
"He bides his time between/Teaching little girls to smile and/Showing the sleepless/What nightmares are."
The wording is clear, if it's strange it's a wonderful kind of strange.

:tea:Elle
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hee-hee~ I'm glad you liked it, dear. ^^ Thank so much for sharing your thoughts with me! :huggle:
Reply
:icondoublethefun:
doublethefun Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
overall I absolutely loved this poem. Powerful figurative language!
Personally I think these two parts resonated:
"He has a way of/ Leaving pieces behind,/ Mindlessly lodging them under/ The breastbones of passers-by." --> beautiful imagery
"He bides his time between/ Teaching little girls to smile and/ Showing the sleepless/ What nightmares are." --> great start! It really pulled me in. I love the contradiction in the character already.
But these two parts pulled me out of the mood of the poem:
"...the/ Very crest of a wave as/ The ocean swallows it up." --> seemed a little... id n't know, cliche?
"His naivete led him to believe/ He could fly." --> It makes more sense in the full context of the poem but at the moment I read it it just came off as a little redundant because you had just said h was under the impression that he had wings.
Just my thoughts! Take them or leave them :) I know I appreciate when someone takes the time to comment thoughtfully.
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I do very much appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me, thank you!

It always makes my day when people take the time to write something thoughtful. ^^

Yes, I can definitely see where your opinions are coming from for those two parts you disliked. Perhaps I'll go back sometime and re-work the piece a little. Hahah, maybe when my brain's less fried.

Thanks so much again, doll! I'm glad you enjoyed it. X3
Reply
:iconnelithios:
Nelithios Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
Unbelievable! An amazing testement to those hwo never loose hope no matter what the results are! a great look into an outside perspective of a dreamer =] and how beautiful they are!
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What a lovely way of looking at it. Thank you so much for sharing that with me, dear! It always makes my day to hear things like that. ^^
Reply
:iconemergency-fan-51:
emergency-fan-51 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is the second of your pieces that have used this part;

His form is made of something beautiful
That got left out in the rain,
Something too heavy to reach the sky
But still too light to sink.

I adore those lines. So much so that I might have to put them in my signature.
But seriously, you are fantastic. I loved this whole piece. It was a little hard to follow at some points, but you know what? I was enjoying it so much I didn't really care.
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hahah, why, yes, it is. That's because both pieces that have these lines are written with the same person in mind. I think they describe him well.

Oh, gosh, thank you! I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. ^^ That just makes my day.

I'm so glad you liked it, doll!
Reply
:iconemergency-fan-51:
emergency-fan-51 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh that makes awesome sense! I love this piece even more now! XD

No problem ^^
Reply
:iconmysticstar875:
Mysticstar875 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student Writer
Wow. Just really, wow. I am awestruck by your poetry. It's just...beautiful. It's poetry like yours that I strive to create. It is so incredibly beautiful I'm just at a loss of words right now.

You don't need to ask those questions that you did. This piece doesn't even need criticism! Please, whatever people tell you, DON'T change it.

Your imagery is beautiful. It paints a picture of flying and falling and all sorts of things. When you talked about the words written on the inside of his mouth, I could plainly see it. It's very abstract and unique.

It was really hard to pick a particular stanza I liked the most. But I finally did come to a conclusion:
I say that he doesn't belong
On the ground.
He just laughs
And tells me that there is no
Inbetween.

It broke my heart, though it's true, and it's one of the saddest things I have ever heard.

Your words are astounding. There's not much else to say about it. I can just say that I wish I could write words like you.

I'm sorry if this wasn't much help or very long at all. Honestly, this was the best piece I have ever come across on deviantart, if not my favorite. I swear that every other piece I review is probably a whole page because of their errors and the things they can fix...but not you. I guess, then, that shorter is better in a way--that's what we learned in concert band ^^
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Just- just come here and let me love you, okay?

Hahah, I've never received such a lovely comment as this. Honestly. I'm really at a loss for what to say. I've never been in a situation like this.

Well, thank you, first of all! I'm so glad you enjoyed my work as much as you did. It's always a real treat to be able to read that someone enjoys the writing I do.

I cannot, unfortunately, take all the credit for this piece, however. While the words are mine, I drew all of my inspiration from a dear friend of mine. This was his Christmas present this year and I tried to describe him in the best way that I could.

Honestly, I feel like I didn't do him justice, but it seems like other people like it, hahah!

What an honor! To be told something like that, that this was your favorite piece of art. Thank you so very much, dear! I have absolutely no way of properly expressing my gratitude.
Reply
:iconmysticstar875:
Mysticstar875 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student Writer
Hey, what inspires you is your thing. The words are 100% yours, so the credit is 100% yours as well. Also, though he may not be too thrilled to read this (Since you basically told how much of a wreck he is XD) he should appreciate it. You're his friend, and if you think he's struggling--well--maybe he will learn to fly again.

You have no need to feel like you need to do something to express your gratitude, trust me! You deserve the feedback; you're completely astounding.

Please don't hold back anything. Don't let anyone stop you or bring you down. Never stop writing. I look foreward to reading more of you :)
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hahah, well, I suppose you could look at it that way. And I wouldn't call him a wreck, but I can definitely see where you would get that from reading this piece.

I suppose we shall just have to agree to disagree, doll. Thanks so much for your lovely words!

Believe me, hahah, even if I go blind, I'll find a way to keep writing.
Reply
:iconmysticstar875:
Mysticstar875 Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Student Writer
Good! Then I look foreward to reading more of you ;)
Reply
:iconender1980:
ender1980 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Imaginary feathers even....lol
Reply
:iconender1980:
ender1980 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"Gathering imaginary wings and weightless syllables.." Lovely imagery and a consistence throughout the piece. Very well done!
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, goodness. Hahah, thank you! I can't take all the credit, though. A dear friend of mine was really the inspiration for this one.

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on the piece with me! I really appreciate that. ^^
Reply
:iconpigeonguy:
PigeonGuy Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional Writer
first four stanzas....
and the one about the scrapes...
almost made me cry for some reason...
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, gosh. Wow, that's not a reaction I've ever gotten before. Thanks for sharing with me, dear.
Reply
:iconpigeonguy:
PigeonGuy Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional Writer
Happy to!
ya know, when I was little everybody used to laugh at me when I tried to fly.....
I think that is why it tear jerked me...
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, I see. That's understandable. I know the feeling. :huggle:

Also, sorry about not being able to get to reading your work as soon as I said I would. Some things came up in my personal life that I had to deal with.

However, I've got the time today. ^^ I'll be doing that immediately. X3
Reply
:iconpigeonguy:
PigeonGuy Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional Writer
YAY
Reply
:iconpigeonguy:
PigeonGuy Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Professional Writer
YAY! I am glad!
Reply
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