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:iconsomethingoncesacred: More from SomethingOnceSacred


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Submitted on
October 28, 2012
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Paint something with
Words
That hang just at
The tip of your tongue,

And cross the gaps
Between galaxies
With your fingertips,

The way you used to do,

Before the stars fell
And your bones turned to ash.

There used to be solar flares
In your breath, and
An icy vacuum,
Longing to warm,
Behind your eyes,

Before you fell into
That super-
Massive
Blackhole
That stole your light.

You traverse
Across the nothing
And everything
Of the cosmos,
Searching for what
You claimed to have
Never lost,

For the purpose of
Living in your past
(Before your stars fell).
This way,
No one will see
That the starshine you had
Has faded.

You cannot bear the thought
Of allowing your
Particles to scatter-
You cannot comprehend
Finally
Going to sleep.
Ashes, Ashes;

We all

fall

down.


--

-Do you feel you can apply this piece to your own life? If so, how?

-What do you think this piece means?

-Favorite/least favorite parts?









*SomethingOnceSacred
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:icona-la-douce-memoire:
a-la-douce-memoire Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
I still love this so much.
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ack, it irritates me to look at this piece XD 

I'm glad you still get enjoyment out of it, though. 
Reply
:iconpandor17:
Pandor17 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Student Artist
This piece applies to my life right now because I feel so frustrated and tired all the time and I feel like I'm polluting the air with my frost than radiating my usual warmth and it's making the atmosphere oh so cold. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.... "That super-
Massive
Blackhole
That stole your light. " It's my favorite part because it sums up the demon that now lies hidden somewhere at the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart.
To me, the piece means innocence is lost, or a formerly warm or good person falling to the dark side, or simply a person who had always been a saviour but when s/he needs saving, there's no one there.
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What a lovely way of looking at it. Thank you for sharing that with me.

I'm so sorry you're not feeling well at the moment, though, dear. I hope things get better for you, genuinely, I do!
Reply
:iconpandor17:
Pandor17 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Student Artist
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it :)
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're more than welcome, sugar ^^ :huggle: Not a problem at all.
Reply
:iconpandor17:
Pandor17 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Student Artist
Aww... :hug:
Reply
:iconpoeticperfectionist:
poeticperfectionist Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012   Writer
This line is my favourite by far, "There used to be solar flares/In your breath" I can visualize it well. Overall the imagery is fantastic throughout the entire piece. I can't even express how much I love it! :D I would change nothing (: The end is also strong and relatable. "You cannot bear the thought/Of allowing your/Particles to scatter-/You cannot comprehend/Finally/Going to sleep. " I also loved this line:

"And cross the gaps
Between galaxies
With your fingertips, "


You have a unique word choice, don't let people make you stray from it. I see way too many people used cliché words like "close the gaps" it's so general. I love that you "cross the gaps" because I can picture strands crossing over another kinds of like a string of stars like christmas tree lights overlapping each other over one another like a web. GAH It's just so lovely, I must :+devwatch: you now ♥
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, gosh XD;

First of all, thank you! I'm so flattered! You've really just made my day, dear. ^^ I can't tell you how much I love hearing other perspectives like that.

Hahah, well, I'm glad someone likes it lol Thank you so much, again. I tried a lot of words for that line, like 'close' and 'walk' and suchlike, but none really fit for me like 'cross' did. I guess I sort of have a thing for strange/miss-matched word choices.

Lastly, thank you for your lovely comment, deary!
Reply
:iconpoeticperfectionist:
poeticperfectionist Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012   Writer
Aww shucks you're welcome! :meow:

I think poetry is hard for a lot of people to critque because frequently it's hard to understand. Don't feel bad is someone bashes it, they just didn't read it the way you wrote it (:

I love weird word choices so I could completely understand and relate to your decision. It's a tough life writing poetry. You're much more original than a lot of people on here though, be proud of that.

You're welcome, I'm always lurking on dA to find people worthy of praising, it's my honour to dfind someone to compliment. :D
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lol I know what you mean. But I really enjoy writing poetry, because it could mean a lot of different things, depending on your perspective. And I love hearing about them, whether or not they are similar to my own.

It's always a real honor. ^^

Oh, goodness XD; Thank you! Once again lol You've really made my entire week with your comments. I'm so glad you've enjoyed my work.

And thank you so much for the watch!
Reply
:iconpoeticperfectionist:
poeticperfectionist Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012   Writer
Oh absolutely! I have written poems about abortion and had someone interpret it as the Black Plague. It's not wrong, it's just another interpretation (:

I'm glad it made you so happy, happier than I expected XD I'm part of Project Cmment so I guess it's a habit of being overly talkative since I give so many comments out to people... Anyways, I'll be creeping you, ttfn!
Reply
:iconbundle-w:
bundle-w Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What a sad poem!

I think it is not uncommon to feel like this in some points in our lives -like the glow, the starlight is gone from our aims or inspiration.
I see two possibilities here:
1) The speaker is trying to encourage someone (someone else or him/herself) to be once more that person of hope and light. Th
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hahah, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, dear! I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.

There have been quite a few times where I've felt as if I've plateaued in my work, or that I've been put in a position of trying to assist a good friend to push through a block, etc. So, I suppose one could say that this is a tribute to that, in some way.

Also, I'm afraid your thoughts have been cut off, deary XD; There, at the end.
Reply
:iconbundle-w:
bundle-w Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
(sorry, my keyboard is strange, let me finish the comment here)
That possibility is, in my opinion, suggested by most of the poem.

2) At the end, however, I sense some resignation on the narrator's part: "You cannot comprehend/Finally/Going to sleep." So I am somewhat confused by that.

Would the reader be allowed to think that there is still hope? That this person could still rise once more? Or, maybe I got this wrong from the beginning and this poem is more like someone being glad that a foe has finally vanished?
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well, to be completely honest with you, I wrote this about someone who has fallen into a plateaued state in their life, but sort of... Chooses to continue living in the 'glory days', I suppose?

It's not directed at any one person, but I felt that it was fairly relate-able. I'm sure plenty of people have been through points in their lives like that.

Also, please excuse my first reply hahah XD; I sent it before I could get the chance to see the second part of your comment.

But, yes, overall, I think it means exactly what you, as an individual, think it means. I'm sure my perspective and purpose is not the only way to look at it.
Reply
:iconnightmarefalls:
nightmarefalls Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Student General Artist
It's a wonderful piece, but I must say some lines sound a bit strange. For example, "And cross the gaps
Between galaxies
With your fingertips, " I'm wondering if you meant close, or to walk the distance between galaxies with you finger tips. The style of imagery you are using is interesting no the less, just reread and work on your lines.
Reply
:iconsomethingoncesacred:
SomethingOnceSacred Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hahah, thank you, dear!

Actually, I did try both 'close' and 'walk', but neither felt right to me. Though, I can see how someone would read my word choice as being a bit strange there. It definitely does sound a little weird, but I won't be changing that couple of lines, specifically, for that reason.

I really appreciate your feedback, though! Thanks again. ^^
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