Paint something with
Words
That hang just at
The tip of your tongue,
And cross the gaps
Between galaxies
With your fingertips,
The way you used to do,
Before the stars fell
And your bones turned to ash.
There used to be solar flares
In your breath, and
An icy vacuum,
Longing to warm,
Behind your eyes,
Before you fell into
That super-
Massive
Blackhole
That stole your light.
You traverse
Across the nothing
And everything
Of the cosmos,
Searching for what
You claimed to have
Never lost,
For the purpose of
Living in your past
(Before your stars fell).
This way,
No one will see
That the starshine you had
Has faded.
You cannot bear the thought
Of allowing your
Particles to scatter-
You cannot comprehend
Finally
Going to sleep.
Massive
Blackhole
That stole your light. " It's my favorite part because it sums up the demon that now lies hidden somewhere at the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart.
To me, the piece means innocence is lost, or a formerly warm or good person falling to the dark side, or simply a person who had always been a saviour but when s/he needs saving, there's no one there.
I'm so sorry you're not feeling well at the moment, though, dear. I hope things get better for you, genuinely, I do!
"And cross the gaps
Between galaxies
With your fingertips, "
You have a unique word choice, don't let people make you stray from it. I see way too many people used cliché words like "close the gaps" it's so general. I love that you "cross the gaps" because I can picture strands crossing over another kinds of like a string of stars like christmas tree lights overlapping each other over one another like a web. GAH It's just so lovely, I must
First of all, thank you! I'm so flattered! You've really just made my day, dear. ^^ I can't tell you how much I love hearing other perspectives like that.
Hahah, well, I'm glad someone likes it lol Thank you so much, again. I tried a lot of words for that line, like 'close' and 'walk' and suchlike, but none really fit for me like 'cross' did. I guess I sort of have a thing for strange/miss-matched word choices.
Lastly, thank you for your lovely comment, deary!
I think poetry is hard for a lot of people to critque because frequently it's hard to understand. Don't feel bad is someone bashes it, they just didn't read it the way you wrote it (:
I love weird word choices so I could completely understand and relate to your decision. It's a tough life writing poetry. You're much more original than a lot of people on here though, be proud of that.
You're welcome, I'm always lurking on dA to find people worthy of praising, it's my honour to dfind someone to compliment.
It's always a real honor. ^^
Oh, goodness XD; Thank you! Once again lol You've really made my entire week with your comments. I'm so glad you've enjoyed my work.
And thank you so much for the watch!
I'm glad it made you so happy, happier than I expected XD I'm part of Project Cmment so I guess it's a habit of being overly talkative since I give so many comments out to people... Anyways, I'll be creeping you, ttfn!